Marriage Phobia

What is marriage phobia? 

Who will be the marriage phobic? 

Why is this happens? 

How to overcome this? 

The actual situation? I dont know. Never getting married before, not even near.

One of my best friend getting married soon. And every time when i meeting up with her, she will tell me the same old story :" LyLy, i dont feel like getting married now, i'm afraid of getting married." Then there was i keep repeating the same old thing :" friend, you are having a marriage phobia, it all will be alright after you have get married, dont worry !".And yet, she even emotional enough to straight away told her fiance that she dont want to get married anymore.

Who will be the marriage phobic? These people get gun shy with the topic of marriage. They have countless reasons to feel this way. Generally, for both either men or women the reason of being marriage phobic can be the very idea that their life may change drastically after marriage. It can be intensely daunting for them. They may also have some real examples of marriages gone bad that causes fear in them. But there is only one thing that i am worried about my bestie. Once the effects of marriage phobia get serious and worse, it may separate people from their loved ones. 

I guess this is all made of unconscious mind of her. Yet, she have thousands of reasons to deny that she is a marriage phobic. Miss her family, afraid of failed adaptation to new environment and fear of getting bullied there or many others possible reasons that she can give.  And yet, i understood her feeling. All along in my mind thought that getting married was supposed to be only happy and nervous. Well i guess i have missed out some parts. I never foresee the fear in it.

What does it feel for you to leave your home? What is the feeling of joining a new family with a new life new starting point? What will be the complications of getting along with another group of family? Or a very simple question, how will your future be? It is not as simple as getting along with boyfriend's family. Eventhough your boyfriend's family members like you, getting along very well every time you meet them, and yet it's still not compatible with staying together and getting along for a longer time. It's a total different story.

Let's take a very simple example, getting along with friends. Yes, you have a lot of best friends or friends that hanging around very well. But what will happens when you two stay together? You may found that she has a bad habits of throwing clothes all around the house, always forget to flush the toilet, throwing rubbish all around or doesnt even help much in household. So how do you get along with your so called best friends?

This is why some people have chosen to become domestic partners. Why? Domestic partners get to see many others variables in relationship than a normal partners will oversee. Forgive me that i am a frog under the well. I was quite surprised that there are laws preserve the domestic partners. The rights of unmarried adults who choose to live together in the same manner as married partners but who are not yet married. There are a number of city and country government enacted domestic partnership laws including New York and Florida.

Anyhow, in the end, domestic partners will get married sooner or later as well. Although they have been living together quite some time, but that doesnt mean that they will not get the chances of fearing marriage. There are still many others reason for them to get fear of it. Let's put it this way, a married couple have to be responsible to each other more than a domestic partner do. Somehow i feel, domestic partners are still not there yet. Not till the stage that they have to take up the responsibility of a marriage.

Oh, before i forget. Why did i put Cecilia and Nicholas's weeding photo as the starting point? Talking about Cecilia, everybody knows about the scandal issues occuring between her and Edison. How she is going to face Nicholas's family members especially parents? Those pointings from outsiders or even relatives. And yet, she is living fine and happily with her new life new family with Nicholas and her two babies. That is what impressed me the most.

There are two things that she teaches us. First, eventually one will grown up when time passes and with the power of love, of course. And second,  don't ever judge one with her appearance or current attitude. Cecilia smoked for 10 years before she gets married, currently has 11 tattoos and 12 piercing. And she likes the collection of jewelry with a variety of foul language. And yet, she is now a mother to her two children, a wife and a daugther-in-law for Nicholas's family. But that doesnt stop them for living harmony-ly.

Perhaps this is a very good example for my friend? Cecilia faces much more challenges when married to Nicholas. Those negative publicity, pointings from others, photos and videos, pressure from paparazi, reputation, her career, explaination needed to his family, her bad past background and much more than what we able to foresee. But this tough woman made it through. 

Cecilia's quotation :

My dream, never changed before. A married life and having children is my dream my vision. From the moment i agreed to marry him, is the day i quit smoking.

So, friend, be ready to say goodbye to your past and welcoming your new life toughly and bravely. I know there wont be any complications for you as you have been to even worse situation before.

Happy marriage, girl.